I lost my father unexpectedly on Christmas day in 2020. It was tragic, horrible and changed my life completely. My father had a will, but no trust which meant we had to start probate. Knowing nothing about probate and how it works, I began a journey through hell. I had no idea what to expect as people don’t really talk about what happens when someone dies. I decided to start this blog to try and help others navigate the process. Keep in mind, I am not a lawyer and am not pretending to be one. I am simply sharing my story and what I experienced. But before I do that, I would like to tell you a little about my father.

How Do I Tell You About My Father?

Where do I start? I am having trouble putting how I feel about my father into words. How do I share what a wonderful man he was in spite of his flaws?

My relationship with my dad was not always easy. In fact, for the majority of my life, he was either absent or not fully engaged. He hated confrontation, so he would walk away when there was any type of conflict. He often chose his second wife over me. They moved to the desert when I was a teen, and an argument led to a seven-year estrangement. There were hurt feelings on both sides.

About 10 years before he passed, my ex-stepmother served him with divorce papers. He hadn’t seen it coming. This led to him moving in with me for two years. First, we spent time getting to know each other as adults. Then one night, we sat outside on the patio and hashed it all out once and for all. Our memories of the pain were markedly different. We listened, and we forgave. He became my best friend.

Memories of My Dad

My dad could be a bit curmudgeonly, but his bark was far worse than his bite. When my brother and I got in trouble as kids, it was always, “Go wait in your room for your father!” The obligatory spanking was to come. I learned early on that if I started crying as hard as I could right before he entered the room, he would take a look at my tear-stained face, laugh, and walk away. I don’t think my mother knew that no punishment was ever given.

He was also a generous man who liked to treat others. After he moved in with me, we would take his boat to Lake Havasu throughout the summer. I often invited friends to go with us. Mind you, I was in my 40’s by that time as were most of my friends.

Well, after a day on the lake, my dad and I, along with my bestie, her husband and their daughter, went to a local steakhouse for dinner. The food was good and the conversation flowed. My father asked for the check and was told it had already been taken care of. I thought my dad was going to explode. He actually turned red and told my friends if they ever did that again, they were no longer allowed on his boat.

Once we were alone, I explained they were just trying to thank him. We were no longer children and could afford to pay for dinner once in awhile. He calmed down and on our next trip with them (yes, there was a next trip), he let the husband pay for dinner one night and he paid the next, but nothing else! That was his compromise.

My Dad Loved the Beach Boys

Hands down, my favorite memory is the time I took my dad to see the Beach Boys in San Diego. It was the first occasion he ever allowed me to treat him. He fancied himself a surfer dude, and the Beach Boys were the soundtrack of his youth. It was a great concert and even featured John Stamos which was a plus for me. My father wasn’t a big drinker, but he had a few that night and was really letting loose. He danced and sang along to the songs. In between, he told me stories of his high school days. He beamed as he talked about his longboard, his first car and his first girlfriend. He was so happy. I will treasure that night forever.

What Else Can I Tell You About My Father?

What else is there to say? Dad was a volunteer firefighter for over 40 years. He even delivered a baby or two. He said they shot out like footballs, and you had to be careful not to drop them.

A successful small business owner, he took care of his employees and treated them like family. One of his technicians shared with me that my dad was more like a father figure. Even with no experience, my dad gave him a shot and taught him everything he needed to know to be successful. The technician is getting a tattoo in honor of my father.

There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me and my younger sister. If something was broken, he would be there to fix it, although he was known for his “Mickey Mouse” solutions.

He loved being a papa to my nieces. They amazed him.

I miss my dad. The one thing he always made clear was that there was to be no fighting over money in our family. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. More on this in my future blogs on myprobatehell.com.

What is your favorite memory of your father? Tell me in the comment section below.